Gunnerz Turret

Gwildor

Fail….

So today I went to walmart to grab some things, i grabbed the handy basket to put my stuffs in then about 1/4 thru the store i realized im gonna need a cart.

I looked around and saw one sittin in the make up section, i was like SWEET i dont have to walk back to the front of the store and grab a cart. I threw my basket in there then i saw this old lady giving me the looks from hell i was like wtf did i do , i kept on truckin . Well I went to grab some pop (surprise , surprise) and then i saw why the old lady was giving me the look of death. There in the front of the cart (where the baby sits) was a woman’s deoderant and some denturecream toothpaste . I was like holy hell i just stole a cart from Granny…. I felt horrendous cause she would have to walk back to the front of the store and grab a new cart then 1/2 way across the store to get her items she had already…. man i felt like an ass…..

Call Centers…

I used to work at Tele - Tech call center. It was for a cell phone company in the states. I used to get calls for all sorts of things from troubleshooting to billing to new purchases. Once in a while i’d get a person that was extremely happy and point out that i was Canadian.  I was like holey fuck ! how you know that… Then they gladly and gleefully point out i said “Eh.”

So the rest of a call was usually a pick me up cause they end up being super nice and friendly which is quite a change from the usual anger I’d get.

Another call i had was some early 20’s guy that wanted to upgrade his cell plan but we ended up talking for like 1hr or so about his trip to Vegas, my supervisior would come by and i’d say im troubleshooting his phone and she’s nod and moved along. It was a call that should’ve took like 2min tops but it made my shift go by pretty good.

Another part of our job was to try to upsell people some new cell models , one of these phones were shaped like a brick and was durable and shock resistant ideal for a construction site and stuff like that. Well i never actually seen one aside from pictures so I’d pitch it to customers and they’d be meh about it, well this one customer had one and one of my lines was it was shock resistant and can take a beating then i heard a loud *WACK* from the other end… I was like holy cow what was that, the customer then said ” It shattered into pieces what are you going to do for me now ? “

I was at such a loss for words and pretty well shocked to shit , then the laughter erupted on his end and he wasnt alone , he had about 3-4 people around him and i was on speaker…  needless to say i wasnt impressed but i have to admit i’d probably do the same to someone if the opportunity came.

I hated working for the call center but it had its great epic moments….

The Dance Off….

You know normally i’d consider this Star Wars blasphemy but this is pretty friggin great ….

John McCain Gets BarackRoll’d, only if it was real..

I love editing , just imagine if this was real and televised.
That would’ve been EPIC !!

Now this is Anger Management

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying ‘Hello.’

I politely said, ‘This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear ‘Get the right f***ing number!’ and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled ‘You’re an asshole!’ and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, ‘You’re an asshole!’ It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic asshole calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, ‘Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?’ He yelled ‘NO!’ and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, ‘That’s because you’re an asshole!’ and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a ‘For Sale ‘ sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I had is number on speed dial) I thought that I’d better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, ‘Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?’ He said, ‘Yes, it is.’ I then asked, ‘Can you tell me where I can see it?’

He said, ‘Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It’s a yellow ranch style house and the car’s parked right out in front.’ I asked, ‘What’s your name?’ He said, ‘My name is Don Hansen,’ I asked, ‘When’s a good time to catch you, Don?’ He said, ‘I’m home every evening after five.’ I said, ‘Listen, Don, can I tell you something?’ He said, ‘Yes?’ I said, ‘Don, you’re an asshole!’ Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea… I called asshole #1. He said, ‘Hello.’ I said, ‘You’re an asshole!’ (But I didn’t hang up.)

He asked, He screamed, ‘Stop calling me,’ I said, ‘Make me,’ He asked, ‘Who are you?’ I said, ‘My name is Don Hansen.’ He said, ‘Yeah? Where do you live?’ I said, ‘Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.’ He said, ‘I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.’ I said, ‘Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole,’ and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, ‘Hello?’ I said, ‘Hello, asshole, He yelled, ‘If I ever find out who you are…’ I said, ‘You’ll what?’ He exclaimed, ‘I’ll kick your ass,’ I answered, ‘Well, asshole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.’

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my Non-Hetero lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

This is anger management

Gordon Ramsey on Conan = Priceless

Jon Bon Jovi

You see , I like Bon Jovi .

Stays with the success with the same type of music , sticks to what he know whats good. I’ve rocked out to bon jovi and i’m a fan, you’d have to get a few beers in me before im like this….

Twiddy cent !!!!

Ahh college stories

Well back in going to college part 2, i was on student council.  Among the colleges in Ontario they were holding campus idol, So SAC decided to be apart of it and the winner gets to go to London,Ontario to compete in the provincials.

So the person who ran our Northern College Idol was a girl name Emily (Em). Well it was sooooo poorly run and always short notice when the times for the contest and the round robin / was just horrendous.  So in the end this girl which I’ll call Twiddy cent ( Fiddy’s quarter cousin ) won , she was pretty good and Em then let go the news that she couldnt take her to London. So me being Mr. Student Council said I’ll go and take along another SAC member to London for the big competition.

So the trip was quite interesting to say the least , i took this girl Pinky (not using her real name) from our SAC and Twiddy down , on a rest stop down near huntsville Pinky needed to use the bathroom. We walked into the restaurant and OMFG did it reek and not of food. Pinky crept along towards the bathroom and opened the door, well turns out it was a one room with a toilet in it and a lady was sittin on the can. Pinky was so embarrased that the odor was coming from this woman, then woman proceeded to tell Pinky to go get someone from her family and say she’ll be a minute to them. I was dying in laughter.  After that incident we moved along to London.

So the night of the competition , myself dressed in my usual , jeans and casual shirt, Pinky dressed in all Playgirl memorbillia (*rolls eyes*) , and Twiddy dressed… believe it or not… all in denim.

So here we 3 are at this competition so UNDER dressed, and we all stuck out like sore thumbs. Lots of thoughts raced thru my mind…. My god im the best dressed out of the 3 of us (sadly), we were out of our league with these people in the competition (dressed, education, almost social standard). All the people in this competition came from Universities, so it was embarrassing being asked

“What university/college u come from?”

” Ugh, Northern College” ,  “Oh nice, where’s that???” … “South Porcupine…” …

“Where?”

So the same questions over and over musta seemed like total rednecks compared to everyone in the nice designer clothes and expensive brand name clothes compared to us. So the competition begins, and wow , i got shivers from this girl singing, then the next and the next and the next…. Needless to say … we were out of our league here too for singing talent… Twiddys name gets called, and the clapping for her was sparse, i swore i heard a cricket …. i hid in the corner , drank my beer, then she started…. So when u have great singers then twiddy… I couldnt of done something like that after following the previous people, it was like the worst parts of american idol when they do the montage of bad singers…. Like Twiddy was good for the north not compared to these people who prolly took singing / music backgrounds…. when the she finished , the other cricket replied..

Nothing was said after .. we all just drank our booze in the corner and continued to be humbled  at the skill level of everyone

What a trip….